Dino Laurel

Olympic Flame in North Vancouver

On the Olympic Line

Wallet Grab… And Fondle

Vancouver 2010 Red Mittens - Made in China?

So true.

nonducor:

URBAN ETIQUETTE

Vancouver, Fancoufer, Bancouber. I don’t know if everyone had two creams, two sugars and an extra pump of dumbass in their coffee this morning, but there’s some things you need to be reminded of.

1. Escalators. Are you standing on the left-hand side? Look behind you. See those eyes? They’re all saying “if your ass isn’t moving to the right in a second, I swear to God you’re gonna wish this was London”.
2. Elevators. LET. PEOPLE. OFF. FIRST. Just because it opens, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t check for people coming off first. Would you doggie style without making sure it was clean? No. That would be nasty. Don’t be a nasty elevator rider.
3. Transit. Let people out of trains and buses first!! Same rule. You look like an idiot if you don’t.
4. Keep phone calls brief if you HAVE to pick it up. If you HAVE to talk, make sure it’s at least interesting. Some of us forgot to charge our iPods.
5. LG’s aren’t allowed to talk in transit at all. On the phone or not. Wait til you’re 18.
6. Your friend is right next to you. Indoor voices, retard. ALSO: no complaining about shit. Some of us are actually having a great day. Don’t ruin it.
7. No staring unless you’re flirting. Any longer than 2 seconds is unnecessary. If you do get caught looking quickly, smile (no teeth, that’s just creepy) and turn your head away. If you ARE flirting, make sure it’s consensual.
8. Halls, Ricola, Fisherman’s Friend, Vicks — we don’t care. Have some on hand.
9. If you’re feeling gassy, don’t hop on the train. Learn where all the toilets near your main stations are if you have gas problems.
10. Shower.
11. “Hold dat do’!”
a) At an elevator, we don’t care if you’re socially inept. Elevators are SUPPOSED to be awkward 80% of the time. Deal with it. Hold that door and we can experience the awkwardness together, at least my ass won’t have to wait for another elevator.
b) At busy doorways, sure, hold the door for me, thanks. But if I’m more than a second away, now I have to jog to keep you from waiting. Nice gesture but not everybody runs.
12. Walk BEHIND a car waiting to roll into a street; not in front.
13. Press the crosswalk button for cars waiting for a green light but probably wouldn’t get it (usually small streets intersecting with arterials). You will be granted infinite lives if you do so.
14. Metrotown skywalk. If you’re in a group of 3 or more, don’t walk in a row. You KNOW how small that skywalk is.
15. Commercial-Broadway. Everyone’s running. How bout let’s try not running into eachother?? Pass people on their right so you don’t end up doing that awkward dance that looks like an exotic bird’s mating ritual.

DRIVING ETIQUETTE

Every city has it’s own unwritten rules and patterns for driving. Vancouver is no different. If you don’t learn these rules, don’t drive.

1. If you’re turning left, SIGNAL EARLY so people behind you can swing to the right. If you AREN’T turning left, but somebody in front of you is, move to the right. Nothing’s worse than somebody who stays in the left lane, blocks the left turner’s lights and makes everyone stay put thinking “why the fuck aren’t we moving??”. Learn the pattern of left turns, no signalling, lane changing, bus stop avoiding, and street parking.
2. Flashing high beams means:
a) go ahead;
b) you messed up but I’m not gonna honk;
c) turn your lights on; or
d) there’s cops where I came from — slow your roll.
3. If somebody is high beaming and tailgating you, that means you’re lucky you aren’t being straight plowed. Move!!!!!
4. Vancouver is notorious for being one of the few cities (if not the only city) in North America that can’t understand the simple concept of “SLOW TRAFFIC KEEP RIGHT”. It’s actually kind of embarassing. If you aren’t booking it or already making your way to the right lane, MOVE.
5. Pop your hood up if your car effs up so we know that it’s your car that’s retarded and not you.
6. If you’re driving a Corolla, read your Tuning Up For Drivers booklet monthly. You’re automatically a bad driver.
7. Yielding and merging are two different things. When it’s busy, merging means ALTERNATING. Yielding means you’re only allowed to go if I let you.
8. Yellow means ‘go’ only if you’re smart, observant and quick. If you’re none of these, yellow means STOP. 10 yards back.
9. Stop at the line before moving across an intersection when the cars in front of you are bumper to bumper. It isn’t that hard to read people!

I’m sure I’m missing a few things. Any more?

P